[ This is the best way to spend a night. Under the stars, with the sounds of nature around him, with a breeze wafting across and carrying the scent of the road mixed with wheatgrass. It's a scent that's inherently Henrietta. It makes Gansey feel like he's home. So does the boy beside him. The press of Ronan's arm against his is as familiar as breathing. How many nights have there been when they did this exact thing, when they drove out somewhere open and watched the stars unfold? The sky is infinity. It's a canvas on which a universe is painted, and Gansey can close his eyes and feel time slipping beneath him. He feels as though he has been here a hundred years, or perhaps will be here in a hundred years from now. It is a feeling of eternity. He is one tiny part of a much wider whole and he belongs, he is grounded and he is flying all at once.
And then Ronan starts singing, and Gansey's eyes flash open. He groans, pulling himself up on one elbow. Infinity is interrupted.
By Murder Squash, of all things. ]
Christ, Lynch. Must it be that song?
[ Of course it must, because it always must, no matter how loudly Gansey complains. Predictable complaining. ]
You can tell me if you're bored. You don't have to assault my eardrums in protest.
[ Ronan laughs, hard-edged, and grins as he looks at Gansey, just a tiny bit mocking. What he wanted was a reaction, and he got it. Gansey, with the stars above his head and his glasses slightly askew, looks kind of ethereal, like a magical being, the King that Ronan would follow to the very edges of the universe. It's difficult for him not to suddenly reach out, follow the planes of Gansey's face with his fingers. He closes his hands into fists by his side so as to not, his smile fading. ]
I'm not bored. [ He shrugs. ] Just thought I'd do something to prompt you into talking. [ Then, he raises an eyebrow. ] Are you planning on telling Adam and I about Blue, at some point?
[ And just like that, Gansey freezes. His jaw goes a little slack, his eyes wide. He hadn't thought any of them knew. Well, he'd known that Noah was aware, but Noah had promised not to say anything, and of course Gansey had been worried about what the reaction would be. He had not imagined that it would be this, and certainly had not thought that he would be caught off guard by Ronan.
Still disbelieving about how that's happened, he tries to clear his throat. ]
I...well. How do you know? [ He just blurts that out. He can't help it. ] I mean, I didn't think that we were being particularly obvious about...
[ He clears his throat again, frowning as he watches Ronan. ]
If you think you weren't being obvious, you might want to rethink your definition of 'obvious'.
[ Ronan stares at the sky above them, breathing slow and steady under his hands on his stomach. He's feeling a lot of things, but surprisingly, jealousy isn't one of them. He and Gansey had never been like that. He's never wanted Gansey - not like he wants Adam, this burning need under his skin that propels him forward every moment of every day.
No, it wasn't like that with Gansey. Maybe, a while ago, he thought that maybe what he felt for Gansey was romantic, but it was before meeting Adam, before learning what desire actually meant. ]
I know you, Gansey. You don't look at her like you look at anyone else. It's obvious to me.
[ The rest, not so much. Gansey doesn't like hiding things from his friends. It makes him into a hypocrite, and he knows it. He doesn't want to be that person. He wants to give them the honesty he's always asked for from them.
That's just not so easy in practice. He sighs. ]
We weren't trying to rub it in anyone's face. I was worried about...
[ He hesitates, and then closes his eyes. If Ronan has guessed, then is it possible...? ]
Adam. Because he was with her when I started to feel...and then they ended things, and when we talked about it, we just didn't want to hurt him. And I thought it might bother you as well, honestly, if I played favourites like that.
[ Because he's always refused to. He's not looking at Ronan. ]
[ The reminder that Adam liked Blue - had liked Blue in that way stings a little, but not as much as it used to, when he was looking at Adam and Adam wasn't looking back. When things were different and more confusing and slightly more hurtful. Ronan's known, for a while. ]
You think I'd be jealous. That Adam'll be jealous?
[ Ronan sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, the noise loud in the night. He can't begrudge Gansey for thinking that, from either of them. But that also means that Gansey doesn't know. Gansey hasn't noticed.
Honestly? Ronan thought he'd been obvious. ]
I don't know if you were wrong. I just - I'd rather you were happy, is all. [ Ronan is rarely this earnest, but it's easier, when it's just the two of them. ] Do you love her?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i'm so sorry this took so long
And then Ronan starts singing, and Gansey's eyes flash open. He groans, pulling himself up on one elbow. Infinity is interrupted.
By Murder Squash, of all things. ]
Christ, Lynch. Must it be that song?
[ Of course it must, because it always must, no matter how loudly Gansey complains. Predictable complaining. ]
You can tell me if you're bored. You don't have to assault my eardrums in protest.
pffft don't even
I'm not bored. [ He shrugs. ] Just thought I'd do something to prompt you into talking. [ Then, he raises an eyebrow. ] Are you planning on telling Adam and I about Blue, at some point?
no subject
Still disbelieving about how that's happened, he tries to clear his throat. ]
I...well. How do you know? [ He just blurts that out. He can't help it. ] I mean, I didn't think that we were being particularly obvious about...
[ He clears his throat again, frowning as he watches Ronan. ]
Are you angry?
no subject
[ Ronan stares at the sky above them, breathing slow and steady under his hands on his stomach. He's feeling a lot of things, but surprisingly, jealousy isn't one of them. He and Gansey had never been like that. He's never wanted Gansey - not like he wants Adam, this burning need under his skin that propels him forward every moment of every day.
No, it wasn't like that with Gansey. Maybe, a while ago, he thought that maybe what he felt for Gansey was romantic, but it was before meeting Adam, before learning what desire actually meant. ]
I know you, Gansey. You don't look at her like you look at anyone else. It's obvious to me.
[ He takes a deep breath. ]
I'm not angry. Should I be?
no subject
No.
[ The rest, not so much. Gansey doesn't like hiding things from his friends. It makes him into a hypocrite, and he knows it. He doesn't want to be that person. He wants to give them the honesty he's always asked for from them.
That's just not so easy in practice. He sighs. ]
We weren't trying to rub it in anyone's face. I was worried about...
[ He hesitates, and then closes his eyes. If Ronan has guessed, then is it possible...? ]
Adam. Because he was with her when I started to feel...and then they ended things, and when we talked about it, we just didn't want to hurt him. And I thought it might bother you as well, honestly, if I played favourites like that.
[ Because he's always refused to. He's not looking at Ronan. ]
Obviously I was wrong.
no subject
You think I'd be jealous. That Adam'll be jealous?
[ Ronan sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, the noise loud in the night. He can't begrudge Gansey for thinking that, from either of them. But that also means that Gansey doesn't know. Gansey hasn't noticed.
Honestly? Ronan thought he'd been obvious. ]
I don't know if you were wrong. I just - I'd rather you were happy, is all. [ Ronan is rarely this earnest, but it's easier, when it's just the two of them. ] Do you love her?