You can like them, [ she says softly, knowing that isn't the rule. They're supposed to pretend these meetings never happen, that they don't both like it when their fingers tangle together. Her eyes lift to the sky now, surprised to see starts in the fading light and yet, it shouldn't be such a shock.]
I wish... [ she shakes her head, letting her gaze drop back to eye level.]
[ She sounds so quiet now. It starts an uncomfortable tugging in Gansey’s chest, and he wishes it wouldn’t. It’s so much harder to ignore.
Following her eyes, he looks up to see Orion in all his glory above them. For a moment, his hand tightens on Blue’s. ]
I didn’t think the sky was so clear. It must be Cabeswater.
[ She wishes. ]
Don’t wish, Jane. [ He stops, turning to look at her. Gansey’s eyes are shadowed. He reaches for her, arms sliding around her to draw her close. His voice drops to a whisper, close to her ear. ] It’s all right. We don’t have to kiss.
It has that charm to it, [ she says wryly, thinking that Cabeswater might be the most beautiful place in the world if they wanted it to be. If they let it be.
His hand tightens in hers and he tells her not to wish, pulls her into his arms. A shiver runs up her spin as his breath sweeps across the shell of her ear, tickling the hair tucked so messily behind.
When her eyes fall shut, her lips curve unhappily downward, despite the thrill she feels at having him so close.] Why would you want to... [ She lets out a soft sigh, her own warm breath puffing against his shoulder and throat.] Want to waste time with someone who you can't ever kiss? [ He could kiss anyone he wants. There are probably lots of girls who would.]
[ She’s so close, and it’s painful. The urge to touch her cheek, tilt her face, and press his lips to hers, is stronger now than ever. It feels like the most natural thing. If she were any other girl, he knows he’d be overthinking it. He’d be wondering how far was too far, whether he should put his hands on her back or her shoulders, whether he could touch her hair. It’s not like that with Blue. Everything feels natural. Everything feels right, as if they’ve been here before and will be again.
What other girl could there ever be when he’s felt this for her? There is no comparison. You can’t see the stars when the sun fills your eyes. ]
That’s not all there is. There’s this.
[ His hand touches her back, moves gently along the line of her spine before settling at her waist. He lowers his head, and his cheek brushes against hers and then he lets his chin rest on her shoulder. He’s almost curved over her; she’s so small and he’s tall and square, and she fits in his arms like it’s where she belongs. The idea that he could be anywhere else, with anyone else, is ridiculous. He’s already hers. ]
I’d not give this up for all the kisses in the world. I don’t care about that. It’s you, Jane. You or no one.
[ It feels natural to her too even if she's never done anything of the sort. There's a physical inclination to let herself be pulled in, to press her lips to his as an expression of both physical and emotional attraction. She's sure there's some science behind it, she doesn't care to look it up. Why study something you can't ever have?
Her thoughts don't wander that much, not when he say what he does. Or rather, does what he does. He shows her there's more than just kissing, that the press of his body against her own, the warm sweep of his breath against the soft skin of her cheek, his hand sliding along her spine, it can all be as thrilling, if not more, as a kiss.
If all of that wasn't enough to send her pulse racing, her body shivering with a quietly awakened delight, his words do. She takes in a shaky breath, her eyes falling shut as her arms wrap around his torso, palms flat and fingers curled against his back.]
It scares me that it might be me that can hurt you. [ Which is to say, without quite saying it, that she feels the same. That he's in danger because she loves him.]
[ It scares Gansey, too. Of course, that's not something he can just admit out loud. That would be a terrible kind of weakness, and he cannot be that. He cannot be controlled by his fear. He has to rise above it, has to be better than it.
He's the one who ought to comfort her. Not the other way around. Reacting to that thought, his arms tighten around her, keeping her close. One of his hands shifts up and moves against her back. ]
I don't want to know my future. I told you that from the very beginning. I want to make my own fate, and I want you to make yours.
I don't want to stay away from you just because a prophecy says I should. You would never hurt me. And I don't want to lose this.
[ Her true love will die if she kisses him. Her true love. Gansey wishes he could just dismiss that thought. He knows plenty of others his age would. True love? It's like something from a fairytale, and no one believes in fairytales.
But Gansey does. It's exactly the kind of romantic magic that he's always wanted to believe in. He can't disbelieve in this just because it's not favorable to him.
Besides which, it would mean that she loved him. And that, in all honesty, is far from an unpleasant thought. ]
It's the only thing that keeps her from letting the words tumble from her mouth anymore. That and her own selfish cowardice. She can't tell him that he's going to die this year, she's seen it, the signs are there in many ways. She hates that they are. ]
I don't want to hurt you. I'd do anything not to. [ It's how they all are. The knights in his quest for a king but in reality, Gansey was already their king. And they were all loyal to him.]
So what do we do? [ It's unfair, she knows, to make Gansey be the leader once again. But this is his life, his fate. Not hers. He should be the one who decides what happens, what he wants.
[ Gansey says it with half a smile, as though it’s easy. It’s not, of course, and Blue will know that better than anyone. She’s not the only one who struggles against that impulse when they’re together.
He leans his chin down against her shoulder. ]
We keep going, and we’re careful. But I wouldn’t hate it, if from time to time, we could do this. And be alone, and be together, even if we can’t kiss. I meant it, Jane. It’s not all there is.
[ He has a plan and there's comfort in that. There's hope in what he says, in the confidence in which he says it. Like it's easy. And she can pretend that maybe he thinks it is.
She lets out a soft sigh, letting him hold her, letting his words sink in and soothe her.] I want that too. [ They can't kiss. They have to be careful. There's more than just kissing.
Her hands smooth up his back on their own accord, curling against the fabric covering his shoulder blades.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I wish... [ she shakes her head, letting her gaze drop back to eye level.]
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Following her eyes, he looks up to see Orion in all his glory above them. For a moment, his hand tightens on Blue’s. ]
I didn’t think the sky was so clear. It must be Cabeswater.
[ She wishes. ]
Don’t wish, Jane. [ He stops, turning to look at her. Gansey’s eyes are shadowed. He reaches for her, arms sliding around her to draw her close. His voice drops to a whisper, close to her ear. ] It’s all right. We don’t have to kiss.
no subject
His hand tightens in hers and he tells her not to wish, pulls her into his arms. A shiver runs up her spin as his breath sweeps across the shell of her ear, tickling the hair tucked so messily behind.
When her eyes fall shut, her lips curve unhappily downward, despite the thrill she feels at having him so close.] Why would you want to... [ She lets out a soft sigh, her own warm breath puffing against his shoulder and throat.] Want to waste time with someone who you can't ever kiss? [ He could kiss anyone he wants. There are probably lots of girls who would.]
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What other girl could there ever be when he’s felt this for her? There is no comparison. You can’t see the stars when the sun fills your eyes. ]
That’s not all there is. There’s this.
[ His hand touches her back, moves gently along the line of her spine before settling at her waist. He lowers his head, and his cheek brushes against hers and then he lets his chin rest on her shoulder. He’s almost curved over her; she’s so small and he’s tall and square, and she fits in his arms like it’s where she belongs. The idea that he could be anywhere else, with anyone else, is ridiculous. He’s already hers. ]
I’d not give this up for all the kisses in the world. I don’t care about that. It’s you, Jane. You or no one.
no subject
Her thoughts don't wander that much, not when he say what he does. Or rather, does what he does. He shows her there's more than just kissing, that the press of his body against her own, the warm sweep of his breath against the soft skin of her cheek, his hand sliding along her spine, it can all be as thrilling, if not more, as a kiss.
If all of that wasn't enough to send her pulse racing, her body shivering with a quietly awakened delight, his words do. She takes in a shaky breath, her eyes falling shut as her arms wrap around his torso, palms flat and fingers curled against his back.]
It scares me that it might be me that can hurt you. [ Which is to say, without quite saying it, that she feels the same. That he's in danger because she loves him.]
no subject
He's the one who ought to comfort her. Not the other way around. Reacting to that thought, his arms tighten around her, keeping her close. One of his hands shifts up and moves against her back. ]
I don't want to know my future. I told you that from the very beginning. I want to make my own fate, and I want you to make yours.
I don't want to stay away from you just because a prophecy says I should. You would never hurt me. And I don't want to lose this.
[ Her true love will die if she kisses him. Her true love. Gansey wishes he could just dismiss that thought. He knows plenty of others his age would. True love? It's like something from a fairytale, and no one believes in fairytales.
But Gansey does. It's exactly the kind of romantic magic that he's always wanted to believe in. He can't disbelieve in this just because it's not favorable to him.
Besides which, it would mean that she loved him. And that, in all honesty, is far from an unpleasant thought. ]
no subject
It's the only thing that keeps her from letting the words tumble from her mouth anymore. That and her own selfish cowardice. She can't tell him that he's going to die this year, she's seen it, the signs are there in many ways. She hates that they are. ]
I don't want to hurt you. I'd do anything not to. [ It's how they all are. The knights in his quest for a king but in reality, Gansey was already their king. And they were all loyal to him.]
So what do we do? [ It's unfair, she knows, to make Gansey be the leader once again. But this is his life, his fate. Not hers. He should be the one who decides what happens, what he wants.
no subject
[ Gansey says it with half a smile, as though it’s easy. It’s not, of course, and Blue will know that better than anyone. She’s not the only one who struggles against that impulse when they’re together.
He leans his chin down against her shoulder. ]
We keep going, and we’re careful. But I wouldn’t hate it, if from time to time, we could do this. And be alone, and be together, even if we can’t kiss. I meant it, Jane. It’s not all there is.
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She lets out a soft sigh, letting him hold her, letting his words sink in and soothe her.] I want that too. [ They can't kiss. They have to be careful. There's more than just kissing.
Her hands smooth up his back on their own accord, curling against the fabric covering his shoulder blades.]