[ Gansey gets there not long afterwards. His expression is an absolute mask, concealing everything that he fears he’s about to see. He hasn’t told the others, not yet. He can’t make them feel what he’s feeling, can’t inject them with that darkness unless it’s true. He has to protect them from it for as long as he can, and it can’t be true. It can’t.
Lucy has to be wrong.
Except that she’s not. As soon as Gansey’s eyes fall on the body he knows she’s not. He hadn’t been full of color when he arrived, but what’s left of it drains from him entirely at the sight of Ronan. He doesn’t remember going down to his knees. He’s aware that he’s suddenly on them, and reaching for a hand and a wrist that’s cold and stiff. He’s looking at a face that both is and is not Ronan, a terrible fact that somehow doesn’t even look like him, but is him nonetheless. There’s some pressure at the back of his mind to speak, to remember that Lucy is there, to say something, anything at all.
But it’s like that moment in the cave, when he’d fallen and been so sure there were hornets all around. He knows he should move, knows he should act, but his throat is closed and his hands are cold and he doesn’t want this to be real.
Words don’t come, not yet. He can’t. He can’t even look away from Ronan’s face. ]
[She watches this for a moment; he looks like his heart is breaking, like his entire world is falling apart.
She knows if her brothers were here, and looking at her body, they would look the same way. She doesn't know Ronan, but it makes him suddenly rise in estimation in her eyes.
She arranges her skirt around herself and reaches for him, crouching next to him.]
Gansey.
[Her hand goes for his. Sometimes people need touch.]
[ He still doesn't move. Gansey's hand twitches beneath Lucy's, which is the first sign that he knows she's still there. It's almost physically painful to tear his eyes away from Ronan to look at her, and even when he manages it, they spring back again.
He swallows. He makes himself swallow.
His first attempt to talk rasps horribly at his throat, and he coughs, clearing his throat.
He can do this. He can do what he has to do, and that means telling the others. That means moving.
How does he tell them this? ]
Thank you, Lucy.
[ There's a shake in his voice that he can't straighten out. Behind his face, his mind is a ball of fire. Everything is burning. Gansey's expression hasn't changed. He looks calm, even when he's not. Even when he's breaking. ]
For calling me. I need-- [ Another breath. ] --to speak with my friends. I am sorry, that you had to see this.
[ He knows that she has. Her hospital flits through his mind.
She's a healer and she couldn't fix this.
His hand wants to shake. He wants to see Blue. The need strikes through him like lightning, painful in its accuracy. He needs her most of all. ]
You don't have to.
[ He can do this. He can manage. He's the one who's supposed to manage. But still, he doesn't argue more than that. He lifts his phone, and starts dialling. Private messages to all three of them. He needs to see it done. ]
[She reaches for his hand. It's an easy gesture. Something solid to hold on to. It's nothing but grounding, nothing but something to remind him he's not alone.]
When your friends arrive, I will go, all right?
[She doesn't know what's in his head, she doesn't know how he feels, but she knows he should not be alone.]
[ Gansey meets her eyes, and this time he holds them. He keeps them for long enough to make the calls, long enough enough to know that, at the very least, Adam and Blue will come. Even if Noah doesn't.
And then he drops the phone, and his eyes roll back to Ronan. Gansey is trying to fold his emotions away, to blanket them beneath something so that he can function. It's a good deal harder than it sounds. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
audio;
[She hangs up.
And she waits.]
audio;
Lucy has to be wrong.
Except that she’s not. As soon as Gansey’s eyes fall on the body he knows she’s not. He hadn’t been full of color when he arrived, but what’s left of it drains from him entirely at the sight of Ronan. He doesn’t remember going down to his knees. He’s aware that he’s suddenly on them, and reaching for a hand and a wrist that’s cold and stiff. He’s looking at a face that both is and is not Ronan, a terrible fact that somehow doesn’t even look like him, but is him nonetheless. There’s some pressure at the back of his mind to speak, to remember that Lucy is there, to say something, anything at all.
But it’s like that moment in the cave, when he’d fallen and been so sure there were hornets all around. He knows he should move, knows he should act, but his throat is closed and his hands are cold and he doesn’t want this to be real.
Words don’t come, not yet. He can’t. He can’t even look away from Ronan’s face. ]
no subject
She knows if her brothers were here, and looking at her body, they would look the same way. She doesn't know Ronan, but it makes him suddenly rise in estimation in her eyes.
She arranges her skirt around herself and reaches for him, crouching next to him.]
Gansey.
[Her hand goes for his. Sometimes people need touch.]
no subject
He swallows. He makes himself swallow.
His first attempt to talk rasps horribly at his throat, and he coughs, clearing his throat.
He can do this. He can do what he has to do, and that means telling the others. That means moving.
How does he tell them this? ]
Thank you, Lucy.
[ There's a shake in his voice that he can't straighten out. Behind his face, his mind is a ball of fire. Everything is burning. Gansey's expression hasn't changed. He looks calm, even when he's not. Even when he's breaking. ]
For calling me. I need-- [ Another breath. ] --to speak with my friends. I am sorry, that you had to see this.
no subject
[Many times. This isn't traumatic for her, although of course, it's terribly sad.]
I should stay here until they arrive. So you are not alone.
[She doesn't want him to be alone.]
no subject
She's a healer and she couldn't fix this.
His hand wants to shake. He wants to see Blue. The need strikes through him like lightning, painful in its accuracy. He needs her most of all. ]
You don't have to.
[ He can do this. He can manage. He's the one who's supposed to manage. But still, he doesn't argue more than that. He lifts his phone, and starts dialling. Private messages to all three of them. He needs to see it done. ]
no subject
But I will, regardless.
[She reaches for his hand. It's an easy gesture. Something solid to hold on to. It's nothing but grounding, nothing but something to remind him he's not alone.]
When your friends arrive, I will go, all right?
[She doesn't know what's in his head, she doesn't know how he feels, but she knows he should not be alone.]
no subject
And then he drops the phone, and his eyes roll back to Ronan. Gansey is trying to fold his emotions away, to blanket them beneath something so that he can function. It's a good deal harder than it sounds. ]
They're coming.
[ His voice is very small. ]
no subject
[She holds his hand and doesn't let go. She won't until they get there, and someone can take her place.]
And we will wait here.
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He hopes they don't take long. ]